Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.

Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

If flying is so safe, why do they call an airport the "terminal"?

I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and $***head's.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Welcome to $*** Creek -- Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

[This message was edited by Bob Knight on 05 August 2002 at 05:31 PM.]