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 The Steel Guitar Forum
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 Some Old B@nj0 Player Jokes
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| Author | Topic: Some Old B@nj0 Player Jokes |
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Lee Baucum Member From: McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) - The Final Frontier |
posted 24 September 2003 11:51 AM
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I know. They're old, but they're worth repeating! What do you call a b@nj0 player with a beeper and a cell phone? What is the difference between a dead b@nj0 player lying in the road and a dead squirrel lying in the road? >The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig. How do you improve the aerodynamics of a b@nj0 player's car? >Remove the Domino's Pizza sign from the roof. What kind of calendar does a b@nj0 player use for his gigs? >Year-At-A-Glance. ------------------ |
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Bobby Lee Sysop From: Cloverdale, North California, USA |
posted 24 September 2003 04:57 PM
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David Cobb Member From: Chanute, Kansas, USA |
posted 24 September 2003 09:54 PM
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Q. What's the latest crime wave to hit N.Y.C.? A. Drive by banjo solos. Q. Why is the banjo a Divine instrument? |
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Stan Townsend Member From: North University Heights (L.A.) |
posted 24 September 2003 10:05 PM
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Here we go again!?! I knew it was only a matter of time...  |
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Joey Ace Sysop From: Southern Ontario, Canada |
posted 25 September 2003 05:10 AM
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Tony Davis Member From: Brisbane, QLD, Australia |
posted 25 September 2003 05:12 AM
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Gee!!!!..I wish I knew some of them thar B@#j* Jokes!...I could have a lot of fun !!!! |
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John McGann Member From: Boston, Massachusetts, USA |
posted 25 September 2003 05:35 AM
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Q: What does it mean when the banjist is drooling from both sides of his mouth? A: The stage is level. |
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Lee Baucum Member From: McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) - The Final Frontier |
posted 25 September 2003 06:11 AM
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What's the difference between a b@nj0 and: >an onion? No one cries when you cut up a b@nj0. >an Uzy (Uzie)? An Uzy (Uzie) only repeats forty times. >a chain saw? A chain saw has a dynamic range. >a Harley Davidson? You can tune a Harley. >a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline. ------------------ |
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Stan Townsend Member From: North University Heights (L.A.) |
posted 25 September 2003 07:27 AM
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...and then there was the guy who left a banjo in his car and forgot to lock the doors....wheh he realized what he had done he ran back to the car as fast as he could but it was too late......someone had put another banjo in his car! |
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Lee Baucum Member From: McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) - The Final Frontier |
posted 25 September 2003 02:08 PM
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Playing the b@nj0 is a lot like throwing a javelin blindfolded. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention. What do you call a hundred b@nj0s at the bottom of the ocean? A good start. Why do some people take an instant aversion to b@nj0 players? It saves time in the long run. Something you're not likely to hear - "Oh, that's the b@nj0 player's Porsche." ------------------ |
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Bobby Lee Sysop From: Cloverdale, North California, USA |
posted 25 September 2003 03:11 PM
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I want to play the b@nj0 clawhammer style - with a real clawhammer.  |
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Don Patterson Member From: Richmond, Ontario, Canada |
posted 25 September 2003 04:46 PM
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I just about posted one that had already been posted.............. [This message was edited by Don Patterson on 25 September 2003 at 04:49 PM.] |
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Stan Townsend Member From: North University Heights (L.A.) |
posted 25 September 2003 07:03 PM
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That's ok, Don. They've all been posted before. Hey, Do you think that maybe on the "Banjo Forum" they're posting the same jokes about steel guitarists? Hmmmmmm. |
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Donny Hinson Member From: Balto., Md. U.S.A. |
posted 26 September 2003 04:26 AM
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Yup! Here's a few.... How can you spot a steelplayer just walkin' down the street? His right arm is two inches longer than his left! How can you tell who's the steeler on a stage? He's the one who spends the whole break "tuning-up". How can you tell when the steelplayer misses a lick? He turns around and adjusts his amp! [This message was edited by Donny Hinson on 26 September 2003 at 04:37 AM.] |
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Tony Davis Member From: Brisbane, QLD, Australia |
posted 26 September 2003 04:58 AM
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Aw this is embarrassing!!!!!..I wish I could think of some B@njo Jokes!!!!! |
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Tony Davis Member From: Brisbane, QLD, Australia |
posted 26 September 2003 05:13 AM
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Oooh Yea!!!..I thought of one!!!! "Why do Boy Scouts like B@njos?....Huh..Huh.?..give in?" Because they are shaped like frying pans....so when they go camping they can turn them over and hold them over the campfire and cook their sausages in them???????.....er no,.....that wouldnt work because the b@njo skin would melt and the sausaes would fall into the fire....and the b@njo being made of wood would..er.....well I will go think of another...... |
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Tony Davis Member From: Brisbane, QLD, Australia |
posted 26 September 2003 05:19 AM
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Hey! Hey!...I got It!!!!! The Boy Scouts like the B@anjo cos you can use it as a paddle for your canooooo.....er nope..still not right...the velum would go soggy and the bits of string running the length of the handle would go rusty......so when they sat around the campfire at night singing Öh Susanna, well I guess the B@njo would be the only one in tune! .......er......I wish someone would help me out with jokes on this subject.......dont know any at all !!!!! |
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Tony Davis Member From: Brisbane, QLD, Australia |
posted 26 September 2003 05:34 AM
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A well-known tabloid reporter went to the Annual Banjo Joke Convention to report on it for her newspaper. Part of the convention was a joke competition. The first comedian came out and said, "Number 57." The crowd burst out laughing. The next comedian walked on stage and said, "36." A round of laughter gripped the audience. Some of the people around the reporter even fell out of their chairs. Another one came out and said, "42." The chuckling lasted for minutes. The confused reporter turned to the person seated next to her and asked, "I don't get it. Why are they just saying numbers?" The guy replied, "Well, we know all the jokes by numbers, so all the competitors have to do is give the number." The next banjo player came out and said, "Number 103." Silence. Not even a guffaw… The reporter asked, "What happened?" "Some people just don't know how to tell a joke." The next comedian came out and said, "Number 254." The audience erupted with raucous laughter. More hysterics than any of the previous comedians. The reporter asked, "What happened! What happened?" The banjo player could barely get the words out he was laughing so hard it hurt, "That was a joke we'd never heard before..." |
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Tony Davis Member From: Brisbane, QLD, Australia |
posted 26 September 2003 05:44 AM
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Nekkid as a Jaybird, Flyin' through the winter snow. Didn't have a stitch on, So he hung that banjo low. The blue Kentucky moon, Turned his moons a blue-ish glow. And made everybody grateful, The feller didn't play dobro. |
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Lee Baucum Member From: McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) - The Final Frontier |
posted 26 September 2003 08:35 AM
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What is the definition of perfect pitch? Throwing a b@nj0 into the dumpster without hitting the rim. What do you call a good musician at a b@nj0 contest? A visitor. What should you do if you run over a b@nj0? Back up. A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve b@nj0 players here?" "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the man. "I'll have a beer and give me a b@nj0 player for my gator." ------------------ |
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Jesse Harris Member From: Los Angeles, California, USA |
posted 26 September 2003 12:46 PM
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whats the difference between a banjo and a vaccuum cleaner............. the position of the dirtbag in addition you can tune a vaccuum |
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David Cobb Member From: Chanute, Kansas, USA |
posted 26 September 2003 06:08 PM
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Q. What's the difference between a banjo player and a dead skunk in the road? A. Sooner or later, the buzzards are gonna eat that skunk. |
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Alvin Blaine Member From: Sandy Valley, Nevada, USA |
posted 27 September 2003 11:39 AM
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What do you call a good looking girl on a banjo pickers arm?
Someone once told me that there are only three "banjo player jokes" and that all the rest are true stories. |
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David Cobb Member From: Chanute, Kansas, USA |
posted 27 September 2003 02:45 PM
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Q. How do you put the dancehall crowd in stitches? A. Have the banjo player step up and talk about his new "Greatest Hits" album. |
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Donna Dodd Moderator From: Kennesaw, Georgia, USA |
posted 27 September 2003 07:49 PM
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The First thing a Banjo player knows? Ole Jed's a millionaire. (think about it) |
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Larry Robbins Member From: Fort Edward, New York, USA |
posted 07 October 2003 02:45 PM
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How can you tell if the stage is level? The banjo player drools out of both sides of his mouth!!! ------------------ [This message was edited by Larry Robbins on 07 October 2003 at 03:21 PM.] |
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