If you are new to blues music, or like it but never really understood the why/wherefore, here are some very fundamental rules.

1. Most blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next like, like "I got a good woman with the meanest face in town."
3. The blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes, for of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The blues is not about choice. "You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch... ain't no way out."

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor poole ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle.
So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the blues. In blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Menneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg because an alligator be comping on it is.

9. You can't have no blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

11 Bad places for the blues:
a. Sak's
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses

12. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

13. Do you have a right to sing the blues? Yes, if:
a. you are older than dirt
b. you blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied

No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund

14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny liston could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

15. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the blues.
Other acceptable blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine (Night Train, Thunderbird, etc.)
b. rye or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee

The following are NOT blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast

16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death.
Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken cot.
You can't have the blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

17. Some blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

18. Some blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the blues no matter many men they shoot in Memphis.

20. MAKE YOUR OWN BLUES NAME starter kit:
a. name of a physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. middle name using name of a fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of a president (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
[For example:
Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore etc.
(Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")]

21. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues.

Lessee...Deaf/Bad Back/ColorBlind/Farsighted Webb Roosevelt?? Hmmm...is that a bluesman or a multiple choice question? Nah...guess that won't work.

Sad thing is,
I'm trying to be funny.
I'd buy into fame,
But I don't have any money.
I'd be a lot happier
If today wasn't so sunny.
Lost all my hare,
All I've got left is my pet bunny.

(see what I mean? pretty sad)