Once you've figured out what genre of music
the band plays, please make your requests from a totally different genre.
The more exaggerated the better. If its
a blues band playing, yell for some Metallica or Slayer or Pantera.
Likewise, if its a death-speed metal
band, be sure to request Brown-eyed
Girl or some Grateful Dead.
Musicians need to constantly broaden their musical horizons, and its your job to see
that it happens....immediately.

''TALKING WITH THE BAND''
The best time to discuss anything with the band in any meaningful way is at the middle of a song when all band members are singing at the same time. Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny voice from
the megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us.And we can converse with
you in sign language while singing the song, so don't worry that we're in the middle of the chorus.

Musicians are expert lip readers too. If a
musician does not reply to your question or comment during a tune, it's
because they didn't get a good look at your mouth in order to read your lips. Simply continue to scream your request and be sure to over emphasize the words with your
lips. This helps immensely. Don't be
fooled. Singers have the innate ability to answer questions and sing at the
same time.If the singer doesn't
answer your questions immediately, regardless of how stupid the question
may seem, it's because they are purposely ignoring you. If this happens,
immediately cop an attitude. We love this.

''IMPORTANT''
When an entertainer leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head in
both hands and yell directly into their ear, while holding their head securely so they cannot pull away.This will be taken as an
invitation to a friendly and playful game of tug of war between their head and your hands.
Don't give up! Hang on until the singer or guitar player submits. Drummers
are often safe from this fun game since they usually sit in the back, protected by the guitar players. Keyboard players are
protected by their instrument, and only play the game when tricked into coming out from behind their keyboards. Though difficult to get them to play, it's not impossible, so keep trying. They're especially vulnerable
during the break between songs.

''HELPING THE BAND''
If you inform the band that you are a singer, the band will appreciate
your help with the next few tunes,or
however long you can remain standing
on stage. If you're too drunk to stand
unassisted,simply lean on one of
the band members or the most expensive
piece of equipment you see. Just
pretend you're in a Karaoke bar. Simply
feel free to walk up on stage and
join in. By the way, the drunker you
are, the better you sound, and the
louder you should sing. If by chance you
fall off the stage, be sure to
crawl back up and attempt to sing harmony.
Keep in mind that nothing assists the band more than outrageous dancing, fifth and sixth part harmonies,or a tambourine played on one and three and out of
tempo. Try the cowbell; they love the challenge.The band always needs the
help and will take this as a compliment.

Finally, the microphone and PA system are merely props, they don't really amplify your voice,so when you grab the mic out of the singers hand be sure to scream into it at the top of your lungs, otherwise no one will
hear what a great singer you are. Hearing is over-rated anyhow.The crowd and the
sound guy will love you for it.

''BONUS TIP''
As a last resort, wait until the band takes a break and then get on stage
and start playing their instruments. They love this. Even if you are ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the fact you have successfully completed your audition.The band will call you immediately the following day to offer you a position.

See you at the next gig....

You should see what the're like
on vacation on a resort island.
Ye gawds we get some wingnuts.

I have had EVERYTHING, but the head tug of war,
happen in the same set.

It's the 2 hour long incesant requests for Dolly Parton
that get to us most.

We had to stop one set because of it,
and then finally the drunken husband
of the drunken wife,
PAID THE BAND TO LEAVE....
We took the money,
the resort people still like us,
and they booted the Dutch/German couple next day.

How many nice ways to say
"Sorry, we like Dolly, but we can't play any Dolly."

She was VERY close to the head tug of war when we stopped...

[This message was edited by David L. Donald on 27 June 2006 at 08:54 PM.]

Please take EXTRA good care of them so thay will stay there longer!! lol..

A few years ago I was on a welding job up at Grand Canyon Village, after 10 hrs of being run over by "tourist" I made that exact same statement, boy did all the folks up there get upset with me!!!

A tourist is just another problem to have to work around, and contend with!!

Just don't let the store owners, and business people hear ya say it!! LOL...

Larry

edited to add, now that we've high-jacked John's thread lets get back to the audiance, and rules of conduct!! :

[This message was edited by Larry Strawn on 29 June 2006 at 08:29 AM.]

That's when I say sure thing,,,Can YOU?? LOL...

And the singer up front just loves it when this same gal grabs his mic stand to pull herself up and about knocks his teeth out with his mic!! Yeah the band just loves that!!

Larry

edited for spelling

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"Fessy" S/D 12, 8/6 Hilton Pedal, Sessions 400 Ltd. Home Grown E/F Rack
"ROCKIN COUNTRY"

[This message was edited by Larry Strawn on 29 June 2006 at 02:48 PM.]