Many of you are aware that my wife and myself have been having health problems. I dont want to unload my problems on you as we
all have our problems....however the problem
I had today 8-13-02 is a rare experience to say the least. I have had many strange things
happen to me over the years and this will now be added to that list of the "life and times" of Jody Carver.

It has been terribly HOT and HUMID here in PA
I live in the country so I can imagine how hot is must be in the city,,,if its this hot here 99 degrees,,,,,it must be 10 degrees warmer in the City of NY.

I most always wear Levi 505 jeans,,I like the way the fit and I feel comfortable wearing them. My wife has always kept after my laundry and in spite of her illness still does. She has been the perfect wife for all of 48 years..she cooks great,,keeps the house
immaculate,,but as of late I have been assuming much of her job as it has become a burden for her with her health problem.

Yesterday was a "scorcher" here,,she said to me,,,,,why do you wear those heavy denim Levi
jeans?? I told her,,well I dont want to look like these "baggy pants" people who dress like clowns. Her answer was,,,yeah,,but they are so heavy and warm and uncomfortable,,why dont you go down to X-Mart and pick up a nice pair of lightweight trousers.

I could see her point..the jeans are heavy & warm during the warm weather,,but to me they look cool,,,sweat or no sweat.

She said,,we can wash them and then I can pass the iron over them to freshen them up and you will feel good about yourself.

Whats this all about?? I dont feel bad about myself,,Im just warm thats all. I had just bought a couple of pair of Levi 505 pre washed stone washed Levis from Sheplers catalogue where I buy most all of my western
clothes,,Iam a cowboy as you are all aware.

So this afternoon off I went over to X-Mart
and went into the mens department,,most all of the summer clothing was on clearance and sizes were limited. All I wanted was a plain pair of trousers to get me through the heat wave. I looked and looked,,and finally saw a few pair that hit my eye.

They were marked down in price,,I looked for a medium size like 32 waist and 32 length,,,I found two nice pair.

I looked around for a salesperson and there was no one to help me,,,,the store however was crowded with people looking for bargains and back to school clothing for the kids.

There was NOT a person to help me,,I walked
over to customer service and asked for a salesperson,,,the girl used the store intercom and asked for a salesperson to go to mens furnishings.
I waited and waited for what seemed to be close to 30 minutes,,,,,finally a woman walks
up to me and says,,,,whaddya want?? I said I would like to try these trousers on to see how they fit, she said what size are you?? I told her,,she said,,,well mister the pants are your size so what do you have to see them
for?? I said,,,,I want to see how they look on me,.

She looked disgusted and said Oh OK let me get the key to the dressing room. Again I waited and waited,,,no one came back,,,meanwhile I kept looking through the summer clothing racks as I waited.

She came back and said OK....you can go in now.I went into what was as small as a phone
booth and smelled twice as bad as if a rat died in the dressing room.

I quickly tried one pair on,,,,the waist was so tight my eyes were tearing,,,they were marked 32/32,,,but obviously mis-marked.
They were too short as well,,,the pants came up above my ankles and I looked like a mexican bull fighter Olay.

I then tried the second pair on,,,,they were big and baggy as hell,,,they had those big pockets on the side where you could carry your lunch and or a volume pedal,,,,,this was NO GOOD...I stuck my head out the door as
I had my pants off and called for the salesperson,,,but she was gone.

I then walked over to the rack again holding
the extra baggy pants with one hand while I looked through the racks for another pair.I had to hold the pants on me so they wouldnt fall off.

I said,,,,the hell with this its too dammed hot for this jazz. I went back to the dressing room and it was locked. I walked over to customer service again and asked for someone to open the door,,I wanted to get out of that store.

Along came a character than looked like IGOR.
he took out his keys as if he was opening a vault in a bank,,,he said OK Man,,,,,,,go for it. I looked and my Levis were GONE.

I called out to him,,,hey wheres my pants?? he said "what pants"? I said my pants,,he said,,hey man,,,youre wearing em and laughed
"DUH" cool heh??

I said get me a salesperson or a manager,,he was able to comply with this extremly difficult task. They announced over the store
intercom again,,,Will a manager report to the mens department thank you.

Along came this almost human individual who said,,,whats happening man??? I told him my pants were missing,,,he said what you mean
your pants are missing,,,I was getting p,,,,,d off and said,,let me explain to you what this is all about,,I told him my pants were hanging in the dressing room while I looked for a pair or two of pants and when I went back the door was locked and when I got someone to open the door, the jeans were gone. He said "what happened to them?? I said
How the hell do I know,,you tell me,.

He then called a salesgirl "DUH" and asked her to look in the "hold and return to stock" room where they put the clothes people
leave in the dressing rooms.

There were signs all over the place and in the dressing room that read. SHOPLIFTING IS A
CRIME. DONT CHANCE IT,,,,you will be arrested
if you are caught stealing.

So wheres my pants?? At this point the manager calls for store security,,,they use a
code to announce the security people to come to where they are summoned.

All at once three GOONS show up and "like whats happening man?? I was the perpertrator at that point,,,I was NOT the victim of lost pants,,I was the bad guy. One guy weighed about 250 lbs and wore these baggy shorts that hang below the knee and he had earing in both ears and a gold chain around his neck
which complimented his smelly dirty "T" shirt.

The other looked like a "yuppie" with the "Izod" polo shirt and crewcut,,,the other creep looked like Bela Lugosi looking for a place to bury the body.

People stopped and watched as this looked like I did something bad,,,yeah it was bad all right, I lost my pants.

The one security jerk says,,,,hey man,,can you describe the pants?? I couldnt beleive this,,I said what do you mean describe the pants?,,first of all they were not just pants
they were Levi 505 jeans,,,he sez,,,we dont sell Levis here,,"DUH" only Wranglers and were all out of them. I said who the hell cares what you sell,,,I want my pants back.

Again he says,,,can you describe any markings
on the pants so that we could identify your pants?? I said,,,,sure,,,they had two legs to put your two legs in,,a zipper to close your fly,,and five pockets and the name LEVI
on the waist in the back of the jeans.

He says,,,,five pockets?? I never saw five pockets,,,I explained there were two back pockets and two front pockets and a little
pocket to carry a pocket knife or something small,,,he said,,,,did you have a knife in the pocket?,,,,I was p....ed OFF and said NO
I didnt have a knife or anything other than a
handkerchief in the pocket,,,,he said what pocket was the hankerchief (his words) in,in
the pants??? I said I forgot its been so long ago I forgot.

He said,,,we will have to report this,,,I said great,,,how do I get home without a pair
of pants that fit me,,,,he said,,whats wrong with the pants you have on?? I said they are too&^%*((&&^% BIG MAN.....he looked at me and said..well,,,,you will have to buy the pants you have on,,I said OH YEAH..they dont fit,,,,then he gets smart and says,,,well just pay for them and wear them home and while we look for your pants you can return them,,,but keep your receipt.

I said man this is some BS..I come into this store and try to buy a pair of pants...someone takes my pants and now I have to buy your pants and bring them back after wearing them home??? he says,,,"YOU GOT IT" this goon was wearing one of those handkerchiefs around his head,,,,he looked like a criminal himself,,it was probably the
dress code so people would not know he was a security person,,,but the odor he had was not part of the dress code,,he smelled bad.

He then says to me quite to my suprise,,how do I know you were wearing those pants you claim someone stole from you???? I said well
I really didnt have any pants on when I came into the store,,I usually wear my underwear while shopping on a hot day.....he said.....
Hey Buddy Boy,,,dont give me any of that S,,,t,,,who do you think your talking to?? I said Im talking to you and you should be looking for my pants with your secret service squad.

I could see he had had it with me,,with one punch,,,I would be in "intensive care"...he said go on,,check out,we will look for your pants and leave your phone number,,if we find the pants do you want them back?? I said
would you want your pants back after someone
wore them and maybe made a poo poo in the pants??? he said get on the checkout line but leave the "tags" on and keep the receipt
and we will take the pants back.

I said OK...he says,,,what was the number of those pants you lost??? I said 505 Levi straight leg stonewashed jeans size 32 X32 he
says "OK I GOT IT NOW" I could see he was intelligent.

Heres the good part,,,I go to the checkout and the woman says wheres your item?? I said
Im wearing my "ITEM" she looked at me like I was NUTS,,,I said look lady,,,you got a problem call the manager,,,she did and he came over and explained to the woman,,she said Oh sir Im awfully sorry about your pants
I said "yeah" thanks a lot lady. She asked me
to bend over do she could "scan the price tag
SKU number,,she said,,,Oh my I have never heard of anything like this before....I said
yeah me too.

The manager came after me and asked me not to
make a public issue out of this,,I was really
pissed,,I said Im not out for anything I just want my pants back,,and maybe I dont want them back after all this,,he said,,come back and we will pay the price you paid for your Levis..he was nice to try to help.

When I got home,,I told my wife and said I was going to go to the local newspaper and tell them the story about a "Local Man Who Lost His Pants at X-Mart,,,,she asked me not to do that and just forget about the whole thing and stay out of that store.

Yeah sounds easy...but those dammed Levis looked really good,,I didnt look like Dwight
Yokum either.

Im having to say goodbye for a while,,,but I will be back when they find my pants........

Anyone interested in a pair of Faded Glory Liesure Pants size 44 waist...no charge...you pay the shipping ,,,but remember
hold on to your receipt and keep an eye on your pants...you will never know how much you will miss them till they are gone.

OH I forgot,,,,the manager says was your wallet in the jeans?? I said no,,the wallet was in my fanny pack thank goodness...I then said,,sir,,how could someone take my jeans and put his own pair over my jeans?? he said
I didnt think of that,,,,as there was no sign
of his pants,,so he must have disposed of them somehow,,,like Johnny Cochran said during the OJ trial,,,,,if the pants fit....
You Must Aquit...Keep an eye on your pants my
friends...A DNA may be in order,,maybe some
one planted my pants... Im 100 % absolutly
NOT GUILTY edited I have to take my dogs out...Hey Paul Graupp send me your size,I'll send you these pants,,,if you see my Jeans on E Bay...call 911.....thank you. My dogs have no concern whether I have pants on or nothing at all,,when they gotta go they gotta go....like me right now....too much Coca Cola today.....whooops and away we go.

"Sam You Made The Pants Too Long"

Copyright (C) 2005 By Jody Carver "All Rights
Reserved"

[This message was edited by Jody Carver on 08 April 2005 at 02:59 PM.]

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"Let's go STEEL something"
If it feels good, do it. If it feels COUNTRY, do it twice
jpp

Did you know there are no Wal-Marts in Afganistan. They're all Targets !!

If you had taken one of the pups with you leaving the other at the house for security, you could have left him in the change stall to keep an eye on your britches. Speaking of dogs; did you hear about the male flea who asked the lady flea if she might want to take in a movie. She said yes so he asked if she wanted to walk or take the dog !!

What bothered me most was when the checkout lady asked me to "bend over"..I have been bending over often for the last 8 months,,and Im tired of it. Its a good thing
I dont enjoy it.

If I go to McDonalds Drive Thru for a Big Mac and the guy asks me to "bend over" I'll tell him where to put that Big Mac.

Hey John P. can you use a pair of size 44 pants that are marked size 32 on the inside label???......they are yours,if you like.

Im working on a new CD,,,the title will be

Im famous as the guy who lost his pants. Im
sitting here without pants as I write this.

This is "Pantimonium" glad you have these smiley faces otherwise I would be in Big Trouble. edited for spelling "pant imonium"
thanks Keoki,,,,what would I ever do without
you?? but Id like to....ONLY KIDDING ,,keep your Pants on there George Boy,,,,remember that tune...Hey There Georgie Girl,,,,did they have you in mind?? Oh how sweet it is.

[This message was edited by Jody Carver on 14 August 2002 at 10:59 AM.]

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James R.Hall
MSA S10 & MSA D12

Speedy and I have a club we call the "No Ass" club,,his ass is smaller than mine.
Ernie Ford once told Speedy,,,Quote" Speedy
from the rear view,,your ass looks like 2 raisins on a shingle.

Im VP of the "no ass club" we have a few other members,,,,no dues,,,just no ass will do. Wanna join???? let me know,,,Speedy will send the the membership card.

Anyone going to St.Louis,,tell Speedy you want to join his club and mention my name and
tell him Howard sent ya.

Have a good trip if youre going somewhere,,if not have a good trip anywhere.
Dont take your pants off for anyone.

What the hell did I mean by that???? ever look at your profile??? I never thought I talked so dammed much. Hey wheres Seymour?? that may be a clue,,,does he have a "big ass"? check him out. If he has a small ass
arrest him for suspicion.If his ass is big
let em go..edited I got off topic.

[This message was edited by Jody Carver on 15 August 2002 at 07:13 AM.]

You will be a busy guy,,,,the All Bran speeds
your right hand up a bit. Play standing up
you will need to take a quick break at times.

"I Pant For You, Now It's Your Turn to Pant Over Me"

You Thief you.

HAPPY TRAILS TO YOU

I was called yesterday by the store manager & told that my pants have been recovered. I didnt want them recovered,I thought they looked good in the original color.

Anyhow he asked me to come in this am to speak with him. I did,,he had a security guard assist me to his office,(I mean this is the big time here),,the guard that assisted me to the managers office,,introduced me as,,,"the guy who lost
his pants".

This was a district manager,,,a big wheel...
His first question was "can I get you anything?,,,I replied NO. I had my pretzel already...how about a cup of coffee?? Nah I dont drink Coffee.

It seems that some young gal who was working for the summer was called into the mens department to straighten up the things that people leave hanging everywhere and anywhere,
the kid is only 16 years old and was making a
few bucks to buy clothes for the new school year coming up.

The manager called her in to his office, I could see she was upset and nervous, he introduced me to the young girl,,who looked
frightened,,,first thing I said,,you look just like my daughter,,and my daughter is a pretty gal. There was a little smile on her face.

The manager looked at me an "winked". He said
this is Lisa,,and somehow your Levi's were put back into the area where all the merchandise is re-tagged and all returns are then put back into stock. Somehow this was done by Lisa not knowing they were anyones
personal property.

I felt so bad for this kid,,the manager waited for my reply, and asked,,,do you have any intention of writing the main office????
I said in a "positive tone" YES...I will write and tell them that you people do care
and that you have honest and nice people working for your store.

The manager stood up and smiled an gave me a sincere handshake,,the little gal sat looking at the floor. I said "anyone could have made that mistake,,heck I put things down and the next minute I forgot where I put them,,I was able to get her to smile.

The Mgr took me aside and told me this kid has done a few honest mistakes before,,but since she had no dad and her mom worked two jobs, they needed the money so they kept her on,,,she could have been let go as a result of this incident.

Her mom was standing outside the office ,,as if waiting for the "verdict"..I said Mam,,Im sorry for any anxious moments you may have had,but I understand,,,hey my wife hides my pants often,,so what?.

The mother just looked at me and by her eyes
I could tell what she wanted to say other than thank you.

Listen,,I always wanted to be a Cowboy ever since I could remember,,no not one of those make beleive cowboys,but a real cowboy,,and today I felt like one. I was the HERO.

The guard then made the "presentation" of my long lost pants,,and said,,,we are sorry.I said,,dont sweat it,,I lost my shirt in the stock market to date,,whats another pair of pants.

As I returned the "loaner pants" I took my Levi's stuck em in a bag and made for the door. The manager said,,please let me get you something,,I said uh,,,,,well OK, how about a large diet coke and a big salty pretzel and you can throw in those baggy pants I wore home,,I sort of got used to em didnt feel like I had anything on and really comfortable.

That was the end,,,and as I walked out into the parking lot,,a whole bunch of kids gave me the "High Five" show of friendship...hey
I always wanted to be a cowboy hero and my dream came true. That little girl looked a little like my younger daughter,,I could not
do anything to hurt her or her mom.

Thanks for all the humor and replies,,this started out as a fiasco but it ended like a good ole time cowboy movie,,I had my Levi's and a coke and a big pretzel and I felt like a kid again on a Saturday afternoon watching
my favorite cowboy hero's. I even smell like one

Thanks for all your replies,,Im gonna be going off into the sunset here in a few days,but like all good cowboys,,I'll be back. Riding down the canyon to watch the sun go down,,a picture that no artist er could paint,white faced cattle lowin on the mountain side, I hear a cyote whining for its mate, Cactus plants are bloomin,sagebrush
everywhere.Granite spires standin all around,
I'll tell you folks its heaven to be Ridin Down The Trail,,,,when the Desert Sun goes down.. Key of "C" as in COWBOY.

My wife is calling me,,I have to go and thanks for your many prayers for Marilyn,,she
is doing better,,Thank God.

Gotta do some chores here now,,so adios my friends "until we meet again"

PS...I love my Levi's Like an old vaudevillian once said,,,Is Ever Body Happy?

Al Marcus and Keoki remember him Im sure. I
know Gene remembers TED LEWIS..no he wasnt a
cowboy.

Adios.
Jody.... a REAL COWBOY. edited here comes the bad guys after me AGAIN..I can hear them "hoof beats" in the distance.

[This message was edited by Jody Carver on 16 August 2002 at 07:24 PM.]

Now you can wear the Pants In The Family again!

Are you bragging about the young girl that got into your....

Joey,,you took the words right out of my mouth. You reading my mind again?

Im goin back there later and put a quarter in one of those horses that rock back and forth,,,,what the hell do I care if they think Im a lunatic,,I made a living that way for years and it kept me out of the US Army as well.....Yippppe.....heres comes the Sheriff with his posse..gidy yap gidy yap.

BANG BANG,,,I gotcha. There are no "bad guys" on this Forum,,,but I know one or two who will come after me,,,betcha cant catch me...

Copyright(C) 2009
All Rights Reserved

[This message was edited by Jody Carver on 28 July 2009 at 05:06 PM.]

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CJC