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Author Topic:   Forum Funnies
Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 22 October 2006 01:58 PM     profile     

Before the law sits a gatekeeper. To this gatekeeper comes a man from the country who asks to gain entry into the law. But the gatekeeper says that he cannot grant him entry at the moment. The man thinks about it and then asks if he will be allowed to come in later on. “It is possible,” says the gatekeeper, “but not now.” At the moment the gate to the law stands open, as always, and the gatekeeper walks to the side, so the man bends over in order to see through the gate into the inside. When the gatekeeper notices that, he laughs and says: “If it tempts you so much, try it in spite of my prohibition. But take note: I am powerful. And I am only the most lowly gatekeeper. But from room to room stand gatekeepers, each more powerful than the other. I can’t endure even one glimpse of the third.” The man from the country has not expected such difficulties: the law should always be accessible for everyone, he thinks, but as he now looks more closely at the gatekeeper in his fur coat, at his large pointed nose and his long, thin, black Tartar’s beard, he decides that it would be better to wait until he gets permission to go inside. The gatekeeper gives him a stool and allows him to sit down at the side in front of the gate. There he sits for days and years. He makes many attempts to be let in, and he wears the gatekeeper out with his requests. The gatekeeper often interrogates him briefly, questioning him about his homeland and many other things, but they are indifferent questions, the kind great men put, and at the end he always tells him once more that he cannot let him inside yet. The man, who has equipped himself with many things for his journey, spends everything, no matter how valuable, to win over the gatekeeper. The latter takes it all but, as he does so, says, “I am taking this only so that you do not think you have failed to do anything.” During the many years the man observes the gatekeeper almost continuously. He forgets the other gatekeepers, and this one seems to him the only obstacle for entry into the law. He curses the unlucky circumstance, in the first years thoughtlessly and out loud, later, as he grows old, he still mumbles to himself. He becomes childish and, since in the long years studying the gatekeeper he has come to know the fleas in his fur collar, he even asks the fleas to help him persuade the gatekeeper. Finally his eyesight grows weak, and he does not know whether things are really darker around him or whether his eyes are merely deceiving him. But he recognizes now in the darkness an illumination which breaks inextinguishably out of the gateway to the law. Now he no longer has much time to live. Before his death he gathers in his head all his experiences of the entire time up into one question which he has not yet put to the gatekeeper. He waves to him, since he can no longer lift up his stiffening body. The gatekeeper has to bend way down to him, for the great difference has changed things to the disadvantage of the man. “What do you still want to know, then?” asks the gatekeeper. “You are insatiable.” “Everyone strives after the law,” says the man, “so how is that in these many years no one except me has requested entry?” The gatekeeper sees that the man is already dying and, in order to reach his diminishing sense of hearing, he shouts at him, “Here no one else can gain entry, since this entrance was assigned only to you. I’m going now to close it.”

[This message was edited by Mike Shefrin on 22 October 2006 at 02:02 PM.]

Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 22 October 2006 02:18 PM     profile     

[This message was edited by Mike Shefrin on 22 October 2006 at 08:27 PM.]

Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 22 October 2006 02:20 PM     profile     

[This message was edited by Mike Shefrin on 22 October 2006 at 09:05 PM.]

Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 22 October 2006 02:26 PM     profile     
Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 22 October 2006 02:28 PM     profile     
...with apologies to Franz Kafka who is no cornball, one of my favorite writers, and who is no doubt rolling over in his grave.

[This message was edited by Mike Shefrin on 22 October 2006 at 06:24 PM.]

Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 22 October 2006 02:42 PM     profile     
Michael Dene
Member

From: Gippsland,Vic, Australia

posted 22 October 2006 03:23 PM     profile     
LOL
David L. Donald
Member

From: Koh Samui Island, Thailand

posted 22 October 2006 08:52 PM     profile     
Microsoft as a metaphor for Kafka....
how Rabalaisian!

[This message was edited by David L. Donald on 23 October 2006 at 01:08 AM.]

Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 22 October 2006 09:13 PM     profile     
nah..no metaphor intended or connection to Kafka on that one. Merely what happened to me this afternoon.(unless it was Franz at work behind the shadows...I guess he didn't like my cartoons)

[This message was edited by Mike Shefrin on 22 October 2006 at 09:44 PM.]

CrowBear Schmitt
Member

From: Ariege, - PairO'knees, - France

posted 23 October 2006 02:11 AM     profile     
Mike; i had'nt joined in but jes to let you know that i luv yer forum funnies
Charlie McDonald
Member

From: Lubbock, Texas, USA

posted 23 October 2006 05:14 AM     profile     
Ban the bathrobe!
Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 23 October 2006 07:25 AM     profile     
Crowbear, Merci beaucoup. Vous etes tres gentil.

[This message was edited by Mike Shefrin on 23 October 2006 at 07:42 AM.]

Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 23 October 2006 07:36 AM     profile     
CREATE YOUR OWN CARTOON!

Okay boys and girls, here's your chance to be a cartoonist. Just come up with a joke for the above cartoon.
Example-
Steeler: Dorothy Parker said some novels should not be tossed aside lightly.
Gorilla: Yeah they should be hurled twenty feet.

Okay you get the idea. I will take what I consider to be the funniest one and use it in the blank caption balloons.

David L. Donald
Member

From: Koh Samui Island, Thailand

posted 23 October 2006 08:35 AM     profile     
Steeler :
I like fishing.
I can sit and chew on an idea
until I get through it.

Gorila:
I used to chew on ideas,
but they got stuck in my teeth.

[This message was edited by David L. Donald on 24 October 2006 at 09:23 AM.]

Savell
Member

From:

posted 23 October 2006 10:44 AM     profile     
Steeler: Did you hear that?
Gorilla: No! Do you smell anything?
Savell
Member

From:

posted 23 October 2006 10:48 AM     profile     
Steeler: You know, Gori. You may just end up being my best friend.

Gorilla: Yeah, like I hadn't been told that before.

Savell
Member

From:

posted 23 October 2006 10:51 AM     profile     
Steeler: Hey Gori. Have you ever spent time in a Turkish prison?

Gorilla: No, but I spent the night with turkey at a Holidy Inn Express once.

Savell
Member

From:

posted 23 October 2006 10:54 AM     profile     
Steeler: Hey Gori. I've been thinkin'
Gorilla: Just fish, for Pete's sake!
Savell
Member

From:

posted 23 October 2006 10:58 AM     profile     
Steeler: "My little buttercup."

Steeler and Gorilla together in harmony: "Has the sweetest smile."

Dave White
Member

From: Fullerton, California USA

posted 23 October 2006 11:20 AM     profile     
Steeler: "I had the strangest dream last night..."

Gorilla: "Coconut Custard or Tutti Frutti. I read the Forum too, y'know."

ray qualls
Member

From: Baxter Springs, Kansas

posted 23 October 2006 11:34 AM     profile     
Steeler: I ain't got nothin' to say!

Gori: I know 'cause I don't see your lips moving.

------------------
Ray Qualls
President(KSGA) www.rayqualls.com

Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 23 October 2006 11:55 AM     profile     
These are all good. It's gonna be tough deciding. Anymore?
George Redmon
Member

From:

posted 23 October 2006 11:59 AM     profile     
Mike, that building looked like a masonic temple i use to deliver newspapers to when i was a kid. And they had a dude at the door to. He was dressed kinda funny, and would never let me in with the newspaper. Man i wanted to see what was in there....{no hate mail please} this is the "Humor Section". and milke, you should have had that garilla bust the door down, so i could finally see what was behind that big door that just fasinated me as a kid!
Jim Gorrie
Member

From: Edinburgh, Scotland

posted 23 October 2006 12:33 PM     profile     
I want to add my name to Charlie McDonald's "Ban the Bathrobe" campaign . . .

Dave White
Member

From: Fullerton, California USA

posted 23 October 2006 01:16 PM     profile     
Steeler: "How come you never married?"

Gorilla: "Never found the gorilla my dreams."

Tucker Jackson
Member

From: Portland, Oregon, USA

posted 23 October 2006 01:46 PM     profile     
Steeler: Wow! Listen to those fish jump around in there.

Gorilla: You're never gonna get the stink out of that pac-a-seat.

George Redmon
Member

From:

posted 23 October 2006 02:11 PM     profile     
Steeler: I like to play in house slippers
Gorilla: I'd prefer you wear clothes
Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 23 October 2006 02:41 PM     profile     
Guys, these are all hilarious, and even better than the ones I come up with...I'm jealous!
Keep em coming please.
Jim Phelps
Member

From: just out of Mexico City

posted 23 October 2006 05:32 PM     profile     
Steeler: "Are you for real or is that some kind of costume?"

Gorilla: "I could ask you the same question."

Savell
Member

From:

posted 23 October 2006 06:16 PM     profile     
Steeler: So Gori, you ever think about getting married?

Gori: Hmmmm... Not really. Well maybe if... No, not really. But once I... no, Not really. I saw this one... No, Not really.

Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 23 October 2006 06:21 PM     profile     
Okay..I'm gonna have to do a first place and then a second place and third because there are so many good ones, so there will be three cartoons of the best.
Savell
Member

From:

posted 23 October 2006 06:22 PM     profile     
Steeler: Hey, did you ever hear the one about the zebra that broke out of the zoo?

Gori: Yeah. It wasn't that funny.

Jim Phelps
Member

From: just out of Mexico City

posted 23 October 2006 06:37 PM     profile     
Steeler: "So, Gorilla... if we humans supposedly evolved from you apes, then why are there still apes?"

Gorilla: "Nonconformists?".

[This message was edited by Jim Phelps on 23 October 2006 at 06:43 PM.]

Jim Phelps
Member

From: just out of Mexico City

posted 23 October 2006 06:39 PM     profile     
Steeler: "What's it like to be big, dumb, hairy and stinky?"

Gorilla: "No worse than being a banjo player."

[This message was edited by Jim Phelps on 23 October 2006 at 06:40 PM.]

Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 23 October 2006 06:43 PM     profile     
Drumroll please..... Okay...the winners are...
Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 23 October 2006 06:46 PM     profile     
Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 23 October 2006 06:49 PM     profile     
Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 23 October 2006 06:52 PM     profile     
Jim Phelps
Member

From: just out of Mexico City

posted 23 October 2006 06:54 PM     profile     
Thank you, thank you...

Mike Shefrin
Member

From: New York

posted 23 October 2006 06:55 PM     profile     
Thanks to all of you who contributed to the cartoon contest. They were all very funny and original, and I had a real tough time choosing between them all, so if you didn't win don't feel bad because you have another chance to do the caption for the cartoon below.

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